I received an email this week that showed I would be receiving an early Christmas/birthday present. This present has a very high monetary value for a gift and while I know that the givers can afford to give it to me, it is still hard to accept the gift. In our current family situation we cannot afford to reciprocate with a gift of the same monetary value. In fact, the gift(s) that this person will be receiving are homemade gifts this year. While I know that they will appreciate the time and effort that I have/will put into the gifts, it still feels a little less than adequate. (By the way, I know that the gift was given knowing that there was not a way for us to return the favor and there was not an expectation of that in any way, shape, or form on the part of the givers. These feelings are completely my own.
As I worked through the feelings of guilt over this gift, I had to remind myself of several things.
The giving of the gift gives great joy to the person giving the gift. Christmas and birthdays are so much more fun as I watch my children open their presents! Seeing their faces light up as they open something unexpected just makes my heart smile. I know it brought and will bring great joy to this person to give me this gift as well. She knew it was not something I could afford to get on my own and that I never would have asked for it but that I will use both to benefit me in terms of helping my family and church but also will bring me entertainment.
Second, I thought about the fact that I have truly been blessed by many people, particularly with gifts for may children. I had a sister give us a swing, car seat, bouncer seat, stroller frame, and more when she was done with them and we were having Andrew. I had a friend from high school mail me a box of her daughter's clothes for Abby because of a difference in seasons between her and Catherine. And that is just to name a few.
Finally, my thoughts keep returning to how blessed I am, not because of this particular gift but because of the fact that I have received something so much more than that from God when he gave me the gift of grace and mercy through His Son, Jesus. This is a gift I definitely do not deserve, yet God gave it to me anyway!
I sometimes, okay often, forget how truly unworthy I am of that gift. I am a sinner and that means I am separated from God. But even with that separation that I deserve, he gave His Son's life for mine! Why don't I feel this appreciation more often?
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